how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
