Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
