you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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