I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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