we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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