woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
