i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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