Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
