I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
