someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
