she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
