just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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