Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I see more hoeing in ur future
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize