remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
i am craving dick and cupcakes
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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