She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize