he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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