I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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