I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just made out with a guy for $7.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
