I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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