You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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