Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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