So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
