Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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