a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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