I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
