It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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