i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
