i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
