I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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