sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
