I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
