I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
