And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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