dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
