Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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