So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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