Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Randomize
