Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
