mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
