i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
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