I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
