I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
