My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize