My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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