It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
