Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
