was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
