It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
