Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
