I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
