she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
