Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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