He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
