I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
