Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Go christen that room with your naked body.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
