I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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