But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
