I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
