She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I FOUND THE LEGS
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
