Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
