Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
