What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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