made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
They have beer where we have blood.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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