What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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