capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
