I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I have fence marks all over my body
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
