you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
