Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
