i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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