i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
How's work?
Spinning.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
